Rashad Hammoud Funny Status Messages

   If you don't like me, leave a message. If I don't get back to you, don't worry.. its probably because i'm too busy giving a damn.

   Dear U.S. Government, I was just wondering if I can get my tax return in advance. I would use my credit cards but theyr'e maxed out and I am currently unemployed. Regards, everyday U.S. citizen.

   You know you're addicted to gambling when you spend your hard earned money on virtual chips in Zynga.

   Using your car to take your girlfriend to that place she likes.

   Israel changes its relationship status with Egypt on FB to "it's complicated". Lebanon, Syria & Palestine 'like' this

   If friends could be bought at the store, I'd buy you. And I'd get a good deal because those “slightly irregular” bins are always discounted.

   COOL TIP: If a homeless person is ever asking you for money, cut them off and say "hey do you got a dollar". (This usually throws them off)

   Maybe if my boss saw how many statuses I can drop in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.

   I won't believe the Groundhog saw his shadow until he updates his Facebook status.

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"

   Guys, it's time to start working on those apologies for Valentine's Day.

   I've been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….

   Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

   They've asked me to appear on “I Shouldn't Be Alive.” I didn't survive anything. They just don't like me.

   Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…

   Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything!

   Just denied 47 requests to play FarmVille, apparently I need new friends.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city

   Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.