Nailed Shut Funny Status Messages

   Facebook is like an empty fridge. You keep checking it even though you know nothing will be there.

   The term "Politically Correct" is an idealistic, abstract term. Not in the social sense, but in the sense that politicians have an inability to do anything correct.

   I had over 2,500 friends on my fb friends' list. I deleted every single one of those posing, airbrushed women who do nothing but clog up my newsfeed with the same ol' stuff. I now have zero friends.

   Creationism vs. Darwinism: I love science, yet until they can settle the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"....I'm siding with Creationism.

   If bigger is better...explain lesbians.

   Twice in one week auto-correct has ruined possible relationships with big girls. One changed, "I miss you, sweetie"...to sweaty. And the other: "It's been been many moons since I heard your voice" to many moos.

   I saw an ad on a dating site called: Friends With Benefits. So I made a date, and it went well...right up to when I said, "Ok, I'll be your friend, now where's my health plan?" She got PO'd. Why? What's so bad about that?

   Hi. You haven't seen me much lately. I have a new boyfriend. The one from before who I caught with another girl. But I took him back. So there, h8ers!

   I know inside me there's a skinny person wanting to get out. What bothers me is that it's the entire cast of America's Next Top Model in here.