NO BODY Funny Status Messages

   Too many funerals and not enough graduations. Too many baby showers, not enough weddings.

   When my phone falls, I panic. When my friend falls, I laugh my a$$ off.

   Ladies, easy way to tell if a guy is married? Look into his eyes, if there is any sign of life left, he's single.

   " Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'.

   She's not a slut, she's just been on more wieners than Heinz ketchup

   Please don't try my patience. I already tried it and it doesn't work.

   Ladies; don't judge a man on some sh*t that you heard about his past. If you wasn't in it then it's none of your business.

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight.

   Any female who tells you she don't suck d*ck is lying; she just ain't sucking your d*ck.

   She has a Masters degree in lying but I have a PhD in recognizing bullsh*t.

   I take very morning that I am able to open my eyes and wake up as another opportunity God has given me to be a better person than I was yesterday.

   You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana

   Nobody is worth feeling like sh*t for, if they are not bringing you up, then drop their a$$ and stop letting them drag you down.

   If you watch the looting videos in reverse, they are really generous people

   Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it

   Nobody is perfect, but don't use that excuse to cover up your mistakes and stupidity.

   Catch her coming out the bathroom from that morning shower and give her a reason to go back in and take another one

   No strings attached, your love is so wi-fi

   Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.