Mudda Funny Status Messages

   Bleeched blonde hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man.

   That unnecessary music they play in scary movies that is scarier than the actual movie

   When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to. When a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two

   69% of people; find something DIRTY in every sentence

   Dude chill, it's GYM, not the olympics

   *girl look's at her moms drivers license* Girl: Mom, I know why dad left you! mom: Oh yeah, why? Girl: Because you got an F in sex.

   That Awkward Moment When: An Emo Goes To Mcdonalds And Orders A Happy Meal

   Dear boys with no shirt in their profile picture, I like your phone. Sincerely, hunny you have no abs

   just read the thermometer and it read "stay in the house" ..

   no, I don't think I can help you with that. I have to go walk my dog. and I can only deal with one b!tch at a time

   ORGANISM.. you read that wrong the first time didn't you...

   What a lovely shade of slut you are wearing today.

   why is it that people like to sit in the front seat of the car, but the back seat of the bus?

   When I have children I'm going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that

   Keep your head high, but your middle finger higher

   A slut can't count to 70 because her mouth is full at 69

   i wish my grades smoked weed, so they would get higher