Mr Craig Funny Status Messages

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

   *Alarm Clock* (n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.

   "A minute can seem such a long time . . . depending on which side of the bathroom door your on :)

   "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Hot!!

   she was my cream, and I was her coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.....

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   Gray hair is God's Graffiti.... Then the Big Guy's been scribbling all over my melon like a newbie gang initiate.

   believes walking like George Jefferson will burn 1000 calories a day

   Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

   do you realize that a fine is a tax for doing wrong and a tax is a fine for doing well?

   Does power cleaning the whole house in 6 hours qualify for a medal in the Olympics today? just askin'....

   A snowman is the perfect man. He's very well rounded and comes with his own broom. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.......somewhere else please.

   LENO GIVER - When someone retires from a legendary television franchise, passes the torch to a worthy successor. Then he gets bored and starts a new show which stinks and then asks for their old job back by firing the successor." He's a leno giver"

   I've got a brand new attitude, and I'm gonna wear it tonight

   A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain

   Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything

   Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then-we elected them.

   It's not an old movie if you haven't seen it.

   Enjoy life and don't think about it. There's nothing we can do but have fun with what time we have.