Mick Funny Status Messages

   Yeah, yeah the Greeks "invented" sex. But we Italians introduced it to women.

   Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?

   I miss the 80's. The temperatures, not the decade.

   The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.

   I hate those jerks who claim, "If you don't vote, don't complain". That's like going to a restaurant, and the only two items on the menu are s**t and vomit, yet it's my fault the place failed because I didn't order either one.

   I'm typing this status from my car. Now don't go flipping out, I’m in the passenger seat. It kinda makes it a little harder to drive, yet it fools the cops, so hey...

   Some woman just sent this to me: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO' I was confused by the apostrophe, but then it dawned on me. It must mean she's possessive.

   I don't care what friend facebook suggests. I'm not poking McDonald's.

   Checklist: Poke People ✔ Delete People ✔ Block People ✔ Send Friend Requests ✔ Accept Friend Requests ✔ Ignore Chats ✔ Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ✔....Morning chores all done.

   Yes, I'm in a complicated relationship. Trying to decide which hand to use makes things more difficult than you can imagine.

   When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!

   A woman who was shopping at my store today called me a "Living Doll"..okay she actually called me Chucky, but.....

   I've been embarrassed by my weight since, I dunno...it was first listed on my birth certificate.

   I'm at work. So if I don't answer you on fb chat, it means I'm not that busy but I've got a great excuse to not respond.

   To me, the Poke feature is a litmus test to weed out the easy going girls from the uptight Medusa types.

   If I were taller, I'd be the perfect weight. By taller, I mean 8' 11"

   Woke up at 5 am. Early to bed early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Not to mention completely delusional about being healthy, wealthy, and wise.

   PETA is after me. I made Tuna Fish Soft Tacos. I used Dolphin-Safe Tuna, but All-Porpoise flour. THAT'S FUNNY...SHADDAP!

   If v-a-g-i-n-a-s weren't meant to be kissed, they wouldn't have lips.

   Jameis Winston did NOT steal those crab legs intentionally. He is so into football, that he felt sorry for the shellfish, and merely thought he would do the right thing by putting them on injured reserve.