Michael Askins Funny Status Messages

   Confucius says: Crowded elevator smell different to midget

   Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose

   thinking of spending the cab money on more shots and just taking the ambulance home

   You know those packets that come in beef jerky to keep it fresh? I just ate one... And it wasnt half bad..

   wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

   wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.

   wondering if you have multiple personalities and threaten to kill yourself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   idiot noun \ˈi-dē-ət\ - One who disagrees with me

   thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.

   likes being vague, because it's almost as fun as doing this other thing.

   you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers

   Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..

   wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome

   thinks spell check is for the week

   Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose

   likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.

   I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!

   Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got

   Everyone needs to just calm down, I have it on good authority that the Anthony case has been re-opened! There was a witness and he just so happens to be the presiding judge. Trial is set to begin the moment she takes her last breath.

   If people winked and "laughed out loud" in real life half as much as they did when they were texting the world would be a very creepy place ;) lol