MG Funny Status Messages

   If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

   Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because they are plugged into a genius.

   Surprise n shock as A KILLER whale kills a highly trained animal trainer! Duh! killer!

   REMEMBER IN FAT AND SLIM: F - STANDS FOR FOOD AND S - FOR STARVATION

   I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, I couldn't find any!

   The difference between a sin and shame; It is a sin to put it in; It is a shame to pull it out!

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

   living the dream, one nightmare at a time.

   believes the difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   DNA: National Dyslexic Association

   Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times I let her sleep.

   On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

   doesn't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

     Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!

   I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face

   My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was?

   I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.