MC Fazzerino Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I attend a wedding, to truly celebrate the anticipated short duration of the marriage, I throw Minute Rice.

   Look..I'm not trying to be difficult...it actually comes easy to me.

   All these facebook game requests and not one from a hot chick for N@ked Twister.

   "How To Win Friends And Influence People On Facebook" Post pictures of dogs and cats.

   Lady GaGa just signed a deal with a major corporation to represent her new clothing line. Hillshire Farms.

   Being single sucks. The only thing I get to do is whatever I want.

   I know some folks who could use a 12 step program. Where 11 of those steps should be to the edge of a cliff.

   A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes." Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The second guy says, "No. I'm an a$$hole."

   So I'm flying to England and the flight attendant asks me if I want dinner. I asked her what my choices were. She said, "Yes or no."

   Spooning...the precursor to forking.

   Women: The prettiest flowers in God's garden.

   High School Reunions: Trying to replicate that which was never so great to begin with.

   Um...Food Network? Um, could you have a program that shows folks how to make fried chicken, meat loaf, mashed potatoes and things like that? Some of us don't like Duck's A$$ in Radicchio and Lobster Nutsack Glaze.

   Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein's forehead would have been far less noticeable.

   Romney or Obama....Romney or Obama. I'm just now getting the chance to vote. I LOVE living in Florida.

   We haven't lost an hour, we loaned it to the illusion we call "time". "Time" will pay us back in full at 2am on Sun., Nov 3. This is an interest free loan, and means there are no seconds, minutes, or hours assessed.

   Okay so, last Sunday we all lost an hour. This Sunday, we should all watch NASCAR and lose four.

   I went to the dentist for a cleaning. After he was done I told him my teeth were still yellow. He said I should wear a brown tie then no one would notice.

   I hold the NASCAR world record for the number of races never watched. Zero.

   If everyone has a crack in their a$$, why are so many still full of $hit?