Lu Funny Status Messages

   I love pressing buttons, so as you can imagine this makes it really difficult for me to be around nipples

   No wonder my cigar tastes funny... its just a really old hotdog

   Auctioneers are proof that white guys could rap if they wanted to

   I wonder if AM realises how bad it sucks compared to PM and FM?

   I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it

   i hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discocering that my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away.

   I'd imagine homeless people aren't the fans of little dogs wearing sweaters

   for a perfectly shaved forearm reach for the last Pringle in the can....

   Commercials for toilet paper make it seem like I'll be cuddling with the ish instead of wiping with it...

   So many women.... So little time to disappoint them all...

   We're probably accidentally giving ghosts handjobs all the time

   Don't tease fat girls, elephants never forget...

   "Military only get one day" said only in june by homophobic peope who cant stuff up