Lonagan Funny Status Messages

   Happy and in a good place this morning. Now... If only I could remember how the hell I got here!!!

   Cicadas, Crafty LiL critters... I swear they play dead then when you turn away they fix those beady red eyes on your back and can fly just enough to land in your hair! Oh, and they have a death grip, 150 mph blower and they laugh...laugh I tell you!

   I can't breath through my nose, I'm in a perpetual state of sneeze, my eyes are watery, there is something crawling on my back and up my leg!!! OMG I love Spring!!!

   It seems like nothing really changes. Yet when you look back, everything is different. I must have blacked out again.

   OMG! Maury Povich just pulled up with a camera crew.. My fathers day just got complicated.

   I have had PMS for the past two days. "Parked Motorcycle Syndrome". It's a nice cool night, time for a midnight ride.

   Watching the Today show. I noticed I could'nt understand what was being said. Thought It was me then I realized... That's how Willard Scott talks now.

   I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go.. Now I have Sure on the left and Not so Sure on the right.

   Thunderstorm knocked out my power so to pass the time, I'm sticking sharp metal objects into the wall outlets and hoping the power doesn't come back on.

   decided to clean house since it is raining. Now it smells of Murphy oil soap and Pine-Sol.. Instead of Sex and Candy.

   Why do I always crave Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and Outback Steaks at lunch time?

   Just passed some guy flying a confederate flag on the back of his ragged out Honda Goldwing wearing a Jolly Rodger Helmet, with a Connecticut license plate. I laughed so hard I almost missed my turn!

   Sesame street announced this week that Bert and Ernie are not Gay. I knew that already, They have no sense of style and haven't changed their outfits in 25 years. They are just dirty old men like me.

   don't feed me any BS. I don't eat that part of the cow.

   Why do the media cover “Dancing with the Stars” like it's news?.... I think they do it for the same people that can not manage to operate a self check out isle! Which, I'm afraid is like 80% if he US population! God Help Us!!!!