Keyboard Smasher 5000 Funny Status Messages

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   organizing a flash mob at my place, Thursday 3pm. Bring lawnmowers.

   If they ever invent a sensor for behind-your-back eye-rolls, I am so screwed.

   Sometimes I whisper, "I'm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.

   thinks that you are never too old to talk into a fan to hear your robot voice.

   A back-up plan means your plan sucks.

   Admit It, At least once in your Life, You Have Tried To Squeeze your eyes Shut and Shoot Lasers Out of them With Intense Concentration.

   Lady Gaga taught me its okay to be different. Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I loveMost importantly, Rebecca Black taught me the days of the week.

   wears my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible

   likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to f*ck with you.

   Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

   ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

   ■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?

   My Friend blames my Immaturity for getting him arrested! I'm not Immature! Hehe, Don't Drop the Soap!