KAREN Funny Status Messages

   Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.

   If I don't hear from you at least every 2 hours, I will assume you hate me and the feeling shall be mutual. I can't control my crazy.

   Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.

   I question guys right in the middle of sex, like: 'Are you enjoying this? Have I been courteous & kind? Would you recommend me to a friend if we ever break up?'

   My boyfriend better be glad he isn't real or there would have been a huge fight about the panties I found in my bed that I forgot were mine.

   My kisses are wet no matter which lips I use.

   I'm just a girl, standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.

   So all I really wanna know is can I trust you with my heart and my butthole?

   Every pair of panties can be a thong if your ass is hungry enough.

   I bet people at my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.

   Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.

   The secret to success is in my bra.

   I am the most dangerous/damaged when I'm quiet. When I'm yelling or b*tching there is still hope.

   You make me want to be a better class of psycho.

   I wish boobs did the bra thing without having to wear the bra

   I stepped right out in front of a smart car just now. I wasn't scared. A collision with my ass would destroy that thing.

   My cat and I vomited together last night. I think I'm some kind of animal whisperer.

   Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.

   When I said I was good in the kitchen, I assumed you meant being bent over the dishwasher.

   My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like, hey who is your hot friend.