JohnY Funny Status Messages

   I am curently baking the air in here @400° because I am not turning the heat on yet!

   Whether you follow your head or you heart, be careful. One of them is clearly an idiot!

   No matter what side of the aisle you lean towards or sit on, this tax plan is a soggy turdburger.

   I just ate a box of stove top stuffing in my underwear while laying on the couch. So if you're looking to me for something inspirational, you should probably look elsewhere.

   I'm not ignoring your call, I just get so excited when I see the caller ID I faint!

   Pro Tip: Dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your ass smelling like lavender rain drops!

   Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?

   Nice try "St. Patrick," but I was going to drink anyway. Now...LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   We wipe our )( blind, but we put our deodorant on using a mirror...

   I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.

   I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?

   You never hear anything about the women from Nantucket. I wonder what they are like...

   If you see me drinking "coffee" from a insulated tumbler in public, then you don't know me very well.

   Just got done knockin boots! Alright fine, I just used a broom to brush the snow off of my sandals...

   I only buy extra virgin olive oil...Because I don't know where those other oils have been.

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.

   I am not setting a bad example...I am the perfect example of what not to do!

   I'll start worrying about a virus just as soon as the Germans make one. Nothing made in China is going to put me down.

   Purell better be working on a combination sanitizer, and murder hornet repellent.