Jeff W Funny Status Messages

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   Did you ever notice that all lesbians look like Justin Bieber?

   she didn't think it was as funny when her plans for a Dutch Oven backfired.

   There is nothing worse than the feeling of a cushioned toilet seat!

   I just played FARKLE against somebody from across the World, and yet we had a mutual friend! My opponent knows Pamela Anderson too!

   my Sunday coupons are now bilingual, and it didn't even give me the option to press 1 for English.

   my daughter saw a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!" And so it does, "A f r I c a n Elephant"

   I shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the crap out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   Shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the sh!t out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   Black Friday is America's version of Running with the Bulls!

   Oprah's show on Veganism just inspired me to eat a Cheeseburger.

   Do they sell Alphabet Soup in China?

   20/20, Piers Morgan, Howard Stern........ I think the only show Charlie Sheen hasn't been on in the past three days is Two And A Half Men!

   After the 7th text, I wish someone in this house would just call the other person and get the conversation over with. Or at the very least get a less annoying ring-tone announcing your incoming text.

   big story in the paper about a movie called Super 8. I must be getting old because I don't remember the first 7 movies of that series.

   How long before a gator eats somebody on that show called Swamp People? "Choot 'em, Clint, Choot 'em!"

   Kim Kardashian on Twitter: "Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!" Someone replied: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".

   Paul McCartney is going to be pissed when he realizes his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last wife.....

   An older woman who likes young guys is a cougar. An older man who likes young guys is a Nittany Lion.

   Just remember, Michael Jordan would not have been a six time NBA champion without the government building the roads that got him to the game!