JMartin Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I bounce my boobs on the jfdslkhdjkhkjdvvgffdzbsldk;/ffdlskn\/njvglnxlk\cz/\/sl/\sn

   I hate it when a co-worker offers to make themselves “perfectly clear” but then I can still see them…and hear them.

   Worried cause I heard a beep and didn't know if it was my cell, ipod, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV but it was just my fire alarm. Phew!

   Dyslexic zombies crave Brians.

   I once dated a guy named Dave who hated to be called David. Then, I dated a guy named John, who really hated to be called David.

   Do you think I'm AWESOME? (a) Yes (b) a (c) b

   If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

   Grammar died so that Facebook could live.

   I'm the most responsible person I know. Whenever anything goes wrong, I'm responsible.

   People that wear sunglasses inside, have to.......because it's always sunny in Doucheville.

   The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.

   The mullet is just a helmet for domestic violence.

   In order to raise awareness of Alzheimer's Disease, I will be randomly deleting people from my facebook.

   I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury.

   My boyfriend says I treat him like a child. So I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.

   No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer from years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.

   I have ADHD. Yup..... high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus.

   Get off goddamn Internet, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back. :)

   I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.

   What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.