JAB Funny Status Messages

   Why buy sex when you can lease it in a relationship. . .

   What sense of getting parrot and not teaching it to say. Hello, it's me Jimmy Hoffa, I was turned into a parrot send help...

   Hey CHOP, try spelling lessons for lent. . .

   Turtles should be taught to use skate boards when crossing the road. . .

   I've had an awesome life and I still haven't needed to use algebra. Who was the a-hole who made up a useless subject like this to be tested in on is school, did I mention they were an a-hole. . .

   Considering the hours I keep. I am awake while you sleep. Incase of a national disaster leave me your numbers and I will call you to wake you up so you can evacuate. . .

   I replaced hating everything with Justin Beiber. . .

   Does anyone realize the people running the planet are ruining the planet, or is it just me. . .

   Who remembers when a quarter was worth 12 dollars. I could buy a pack of cigarettes, a can of Pepsi and a bag of chips for a quarter. . .

   If I've been renting space in anyone's head, can I have my deposit back with interest. . .

   You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk. . .

   Trust me on this one. Ever notice when first meeting a woman the first thing she does is size up a mans crotch. . .

   To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick's Day. . .

   Ladies, you can stop with the expensive bikini wax treatments. I have a roll of duct tape. . .

   If you're in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light and you put your head lights on does it act as breaks and slow you down. . .

   Shout out to all my peeps and be glad I am not drinking or I would be drunk calling you right now @2:13AM. . .. . .

   I do not need to be reminded it's the 5th of May in a different language. . .

   I often wonder, people with full body art tattoos. Does their $hit come out rainbow colored. . .

   If you don't mind I use duct tape. I'm giving free bikini waxes.

   And in the news today, Justin Bieber has yet to be shot in a drive by. . .