Interstate Cowboy Funny Status Messages

   Dear Public Restrooms, Please loosen the spindle for your TP. NOONE likes wiping their a$$ with a handful of confetti! Sincerely, Gotta Poop!

   Not ALL of B EGO's shtuff is funny, but I've seen quite a few good ones from him. We all bomb once in a while. :)

   I don't have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!

   Every time that hoe inside my G.P.S. gives me wong directions I pimp slap her with the mute button. :-D

   My Homeless sign would say: "Ninjas killed my family! Need money for kung-fu lessons!"

   You are in the top 1% of Government handouts, Obama, supporter! I command you to give me 60% of your handout and pay your fair share!

   Honey Boo-Boo endorsed Obama on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Was that so momma could buy their paint chips on a snap card?

   If a recipe has more than 5 ingredients in it, I'm not makin' it. Because, weed & lazy.

   If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing I'd like to do is see what I could get for it on Craigslist

   I finally met someone that used the words, "Cray, Cray". Where do I put the body? My yard is full.

   My coffee doesn't talk to me, and my Rice Krispies are telling me to do some weird s hit, so I'll let vodka make most of my decisions.

   Good thing Tesco doesn't serve hot dogs.

   If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't run a piss-ant's go-cart two laps around a cheerio!

   I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight! :-D