IARU Funny Status Messages

   My car's GPS allows you to change voices. I tried the one featuring Karen Carpenter. When I try to calculate my arrival time, the only answer she gives is, "We've only just begun."

   I can't wait for the next Women's March. Off a cliff...

   Ok, I'm a Boomer. But not a Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup with cubed white meat chicken casserole Boomer.

   I'm watching a little known show on Netflix called Tearjerker. It's about a guy who cries while he m@sturbates.

   Then: Teenage girls kept a private diary and got upset if anyone read it. Now: They reveal everything on Facebook and get upset if no one reads it.

   Coronavirus Problem #137: How does one receive oral gratification when the other participant is wearing a mask?

   It rained here in Arizona today, but it was a dry rain.😛

   Just when I'm feeling proud to be an American, The Connors comes on.

   Just when I'm happy to be alive, The Connors comes on.

   "Alloweth me, I shan't be damned To probe around your lovely clam." - Spongebob Shakespeare

   The MSM claims national polls have Biden ahead by 14 points. By "national", they mean New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles and cemeteries.

   Coronavirus Deaths: 216,000 Medical Malpractice Deaths: 400,000 You're safer getting Covid than going to the doctor.

   As a man, never watch your woman struggle to pay bills ... dump her and find one that has some money.

   I'm hard at work writing song lyrics which center around my offering a ride to those asking to be taken to Funkytown.

   I'd like to personally address Facebook in telling them we know how to vote and to kindly stop with those imbecilic notices.

   Those who want the minimum wage set to $15 an hour; calling it a living wage are clueless. How about a living education? If you're 30 and making fries for a living, don't expect me to subsidize your poor life choices.