Felesar Funny Status Messages

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   I wonder if I could just pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. I'd be able to skip the therapy sessions, and the doc could just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates.

   Recent studies show that┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ can be very effective in dealing with cases of chronic boredom. Use with caution - too much may lead to an addiction.

   I never called you crazy... I said you look like you might own 400 cats, but I never actually said "crazy."

   As I grow older and wiser, I am increasingly aware that mostly, I'm just growing older..

   Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either.

   wants you to know that Alcohol is Never the answer. Unless, of course, the question is "What is C2H5OH?"

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way"... yeah, I probably do.

   Someone needs to do a "Leave Charlie Sheen alone!" video on You Tube like that emo tween did for Brittney.

   The Oscars are over. From now on, any reference to "The King's Speech" should only reflect the things Charlie Sheen says.

   I saw Donald Rumsfeld on CNN this morning, offering his advice on using the military in Libya. What's next? Octomom giving advice on birth control?

   How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?

   What's this I hear about some 19 year old girl getting Justin Bieber pregnant?