FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   If the colts go 0 and 14 should we rest are starters for the playoffs?

   still rockin the kids table!

   a man is like a tile floor. lay him right and you can walk on him for 30 years

   my thong is trying to get to 5th base

   They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the heck women are actually trying to say.

   I went to a Gay picnic once , the music was good , decorations were just lovely . The Beer was cold , hamburgers were just delicious but the hot dogs tasted like crap .

   Pretending to be a pleasant person all day is EXHAUSTING!!!

   "I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies

   I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.

   3 Year Old: Mommy, was daddy ever inside you like I was? Wife: Yes. But only for a minute... two tops. Me: ...

   Are you soft Kitty or smelly cat?

   A toast Gentlemen, To girlfriends and wives. May they never meet

   it took me 8 months to teach thee tubby one to say row

   so....I almost got beat up in jail last night !....my family takes Monopoly very seriously....

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   ever take a poop so big your pants fit better!

   its saturday and cartoons are on!

   No peace at home = no piece at home.

   Do you ever take a couple of ibuprofen just in case?

   "There should be a body shop called Auto Correct."