DC Funny Status Messages

   It's cute the way you ignore the red squiggly line under all of your words.

   So far, this is the oldest I've ever been.

   if they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food.

   At the end of your life, you should get a rebate for however much time you spent learning cursive.

   Every day above ground is a good day.

   Some days you tame the tiger. And some days the tiger has you for lunch.

   "May your beer always be dry and your women always moist."

   I just found out that all the people who say "You haven't changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)

   No you're mom was so last Friday night...

   When one door closes another one opens. Or you could jut re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.

   How embarrassing. First day of Chinese New Year, and I just wrote "Dog" on a check instead of "Pig".

   I would imagine I'll react with double the glee when Sleepy Joe dies as you clowns feel about Rush.