Crewz Funny Status Messages

   I was driving down the road this morning and swerved to avoid a banana peel. See mom me playing Mario Kart in my room all day when I was younger paid off.

   I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow

   I want to take a moment to thank my skeletal system for being so supportive all these years.

   I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin' spoon!"

   I'm pretty apathetic, so I'm getting a tattoo that says "Shrug Life"

   The difference between the company I work for and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the OUTSIDE.

   Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.

   Yesterday evening on 60 Minutes was the first time for a lot of men that they didn’t have to verify that they were over the age of 18 before they seen Stormy Daniels.

   I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline it logged me back onto MySpace

   My wife just told me that I need to grow up. I was speechless, but it is kinda hard to talk with 45 Gummie Bears in your mouth.

   I have come to the conclusion, that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks.

   You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.