AlliB513 Funny Status Messages

   Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.

   Every year, grandma gets run over by a reindeer. I wonder if this year, if I left some extra cookies, Santa'd aim for my ex instead?

   Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the reply-all jackass in every mass email.

   Why do men complain about women nagging when it could all be solved so easily? DO IT THE FIRST TIME WE ASK!

   I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

   Facebook needs a SERIOUSLY?!?? button

   They say a computer keyboard is germier than a toilet. I'm not surprised with all the sh*t emails I get.

   Cleaning the house while the kids are awake is like trying to rake leaves in a hurricane.

   I drink, therefore I am.

   Some days there just isn't enough give-a-damn.

   Yeah, keep complaining about the new Facebook. Unless you PAY FOR IT, I don't think any of us have the room to complain.

   Facebook -- a place to indulge your ADD and OCD all in one place.

   Blonde texts me "What does IDK, IDC and GTG mean? " I respond "I don't know, I don't care, and Got to Go." She responds "FINE, but that's really rude!"