Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   It takes 42 muscles for you to frown! But only four for me to extend my middle finger to you! Fck off!!!

   My Wife tld me her fantasy would be to spend the night with George Clooney! Then she flipped out when I told her mine! Apparently, ''Melanie the lady with the nice body next door!'' wasn't a good answer!!!

   There is nothing better than putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer! I even like to scan the laundramat to try and figure out who they belong to!!!

   First, Love Yourself!..........Everyone Else, get in line!!!

   I just love waking up in the middle of the night, to find I still have hours to sleep before I have to be at work!!!

   As you Mature, you learn that you cannot make someone love you!.....All you can do is Stalk them and hope they panic and give in!!!

   Please be patient! Even a toilet can only handle one A$$hole at a time!!!

   Here I am!.......Now what are your other two wishes?!!!

   As I've grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible! But pissing everyone off...that's a piece of cake!!!

   When you are a kid, ''I'm going to tell your mom!'' is the scariest sentence ever!!!

   Nothing makes a man happier than his son being on the cover of a Wheaties Box! His daughter on the cover of Business Week! His girlfriend in Playboy! And his wife on the back of a carton of Milk!!!

   They should blast the Oscar Meyer Weiner Song non-stop into Jerry Sandusky's cell for the 400yrs he's in there!!!

   I will not chase you after anyone anymore!.......If you walk out of my life, I'll hold the F-N door open for you!!!

   The only people mad at you for speaking the truth! Are those living a lie!!!

   If Monday hd a face......I would knock the $h!t out of it!!!

   You know you're broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!!!

   You can't have a Consumer-based economy if none of the consumers have jobs and can't afford to consume!!!

   I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!

   If it looks like a B!tch, talks like a B!tch, and acts like a B!tch! Congratulations you met my EX!!!

   You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!