@seanathon77 Funny Status Messages

   If I ever do drag... My stage name is going to be Amber Alert.. That way I'll have everyone looking out for me

   You know.. Ive lost so many guy friends by askin a simple question.." Do you have twitter?"

   Walking around with a clipboard and suit on..Makes me feel very important...Even tho I'm not doing anything besides just walking around.

   Forget all your "friends" on Facebook.. Wait until your dead and see how many "friends" really show up at your funeral

   i tell ya... Its been one hell of a start for 2012...

   My voice is so gay an awkward sounding.. I make it deeper at work on the phone or over the PA system to sound like "one of the guys"

   A lot can happen in 2mins during football.. Like 47 useless commericals..For instance..

   And some people wonder why their test grades are so low.. Or jobs suck so much.. Well when your names DaWanda IDGAFCHOOCHOOTRAIN Jonez.. On your application...NEXT!

   You know if you add the word t!tty to the end of some of your sentences... It just seem to flow right in.

   I love when people hurt your feelings on purpose.. Then yell j/k as they walk away...

   Have you ever watched you sister or gf actually play a fightin game? Its like watchin a cat on ice playin with bubble wrap.

   I love when my friends lock their keys in their car... And then call me like I can do something about it.. Just because I'm black doenst mean I know how to break into cars!

   I love when my friends tell me they have 3 or 4 days off from work. Then want to make plans to go out and expect me to pay the bill because their check sucked. Well maybe your a$$ should of went to work instead of bragging about being off.

   Next time a girl pisses you off... Just tell her your guna slap the sh!t out of her t!tt!es.. Wait for her facial reaction to change.. And then walk away like a BOSS!

   A good man will admit when hes wrong.. A really good man will change the subject... Without the other party even realizing it..

   You know when the police arrive at your job at 9am on a Monday... Its going to be an interesting day.

   I think its safe to say.. We all have that one co-worker that doesnt know when to STFU!

   You know its a sad epidemic when"MILFS" are now considered "Barely Legal" in the porn industry..

   I use to be a tight end... Now I'm a wide reciever!

   Seriously.. Shouldnt the etrade baby be like 7 by now?