@samdunsiger Funny Status Messages

   Pets are brilliant at geometry. They effortlessly calculate the angles to most effectively impede your progress in hallways.

   Nothing says “I believe in you” more than when a waiter gives you a single napkin.

   Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and the box of chocolate chip cookies preferably within arm's reach.

   Demi Moore is French for half a Moore.

   I have severe attachment issues. I struggle with attaching my keys to my key chain.

   If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.

   I have a very rigid exercise routine, involving daily jogs to the fridge to see what I have to eat.