@richardmooney26 Funny Status Messages

   And on this day, high-fructose corn syrup rose again, in fulfillment of the scriptures. And there was childhood obesity. And it was good.

   They were talking about that Mary Magdalene in church again today. What a skank.

   3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich! :(

   Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.

   My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type.

   If you've never farted in a cup then handed it to a friend asking them "does this smell funny to you?", you probably can't deal with me.

   Just received a text from my wife saying, "You're a childish prick sometimes." I was so annoyed. I thought I'd hidden her phone really well this time.

   The secret of enjoying a good wine is to open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

   You never know who your real friends are until you post something that is not funny.

   the only thing ORIGINAL in this world is weed. so sit back, chill out and talk to the cat.

   Great Idea! Tiny headphones for pigeons who are self-conscious about their head bopping and want to make it look like they're listening to music.

   I call bullsh*t on potholes! There's no weed in there, trust me, I checked.