@kalleygirl Funny Status Messages

   Necrophilia, lay back and crack open a cold one.

   It's so darn cold outside I saw a redneck'a tooth chattering!

   Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA in some women. Unfortunately, 95% of them spit it out.

   Forget Klondike, you should see what people do for open bar!

   They say money can't buy you happiness, but I've got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.

   Twerking and Selfie have been added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.

   When I was younger I always wanted to marry a doctor for money. Now I just want the prescriptions.

   The Wizard Of OZ is 74 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz, she would be in congress!! 😂😆😀

   I bet more people call the gambling addicts helpline if they made every 10th caller a winner! ♠♥♣♦😃😳

   I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters? Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"... 😀😳😜

   The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz. She would be in congress...

   A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "feel horrible I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfec

   A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone... 💍💍💍😂😂😂

   Why is Kim K. like KFC? After you've finished with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 🍗🍖🤑🤑😂😂😂

   SCOOBY DOO taught us that all the REAL monsters ARE human... 🙈🙉🙊

   "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

   You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!

   Why are we supposed to give special treatment to Black Friday, i'm just gonna come out and say it #ALLFRIDAYSMATTER

   It was so cold today in D.C. that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. 😂😳

   To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas gift.... 📕📗 They are due back at the library today. 😂😂😂