@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

   It's better Casey Anthony is found not guilty. Let her try and survive amongst the public.

   We should sentence Casey Anthony to 4 years of watching Tyler Perry movies.

   Most of the people in our generation are stupid because we had to grow up watching Elmo.

   To everyone on Facebook that plays Farmville or Cityville and sends me requests every hour of the day: Go hang yourselves.

   They should serve watermelons at every place in the world that has chicken on their menu.

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.

   You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.

   Whenever my girlfriend tells me to "be safe" everytime I walk out the door, that means that I need to carry condoms with me, right?

   "Hey there, little fella!" -First words said by every guy finishing liposuction surgery.

   What's more unattractive to me than a woman who smokes? One who destroys her body with countless tattoos and piercings. Seriously, just stop. It's not sexy.

   Jennifer Lopez got "On The Floor" and Marc Anthony let it "Rain Over Her."

   Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?"

   If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."

   GUY IN MALL: "Would you like to improve your balance and try this balance bracelet?" ME: "No thank you. I have toes."

   I don't understand why people reward others with "brownie points." I can't eat or buy anything with those. Just bake the f*cking brownies.

   If women were born with remote controls, the most commonly used buttons would be: PAUSE, MUTE, FAST-FORWARD, and SLEEP.

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

   My girlfriend is a retard, but she has nice boobs...so it evens out.

   In a perfect world, we would get paid by the amount of hours we sleep; and a bonus check for every time we have sex.