@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

   Why don't blind men skydive?...........Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog.

   looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0

   giving a warning to America.... Wayne Rooney.

   donates £2 a month to starving Africans - and what do they do? Go out and buy a f-kin trumpet!

   Precision. Concentration. Patience & Fearlessness. 4 skills I possess whilst shavin my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life!

   Fact of the day... no such thing as an American site unless the website is about America. Football is what's going on in the World Cup... England will wake up and beat Slovenia: Fact!

   Before you send me any sick jokes about that murderer in the North East don't bother. It's not even rauolmoatly funny.

   Pain is nature's way of saying "Don't do that." - Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "F*ck it ... go ahead"

   It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer it stays in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and it starts to sag - It's not what you think... it's a Tetley's Tea Bag!!

   wondering why baby outfits have pockets? You can just imagine your 8 month old saying "yep fag's, phone, i-pod, keys ... ready to go."

   always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!

   rang British Telecom today and said "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said "Not you again."

   The next time someone calls you from a withheld number just answer it and say, "hello London sperm bank. You squeeze it - we freeze it!" ... See what happens.

   So they've sent George Michael to prison. Isn't that like sentencing Vanessa Feltz to eight weeks in a chocolate factory?

   noticed on the news earlier that the Popemobile has got a very distinctive personal number plate: 1 H4V3 M4DD13. No idea what that's all about.

   Dave needs to get more sheep in Farmville! ... Dave needs to get 6 more points to advance in Mafia Wars! ... Dave needs to get a f-kin life!

   Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read.

   just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!!

   ...BBC News: 'Cap For Unemployed Families On Benefits' - Burberry by any chance?

   How about instead of doing the 69, we just do the 68. It's where you do me... and I owe you one.