@bitemeNsuckit Funny Status Messages

   wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two...he'll be back to his usual self.

   been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)

   so, this guy is trying to sue me for sexual harassment in the workplace just because I like to flirt a little...good luck with that because I don't even work there!

   found a new place to live...it includes all utilities, free meals, gym, arts & crafts...and my insurance pays for it all...The Nuthouse :o)

   Anybody can be a mother...and too many have no kids...and aren't women...so I wish you a Happy Mommy's Day!

   Well that's funny...actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.

   Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...

   'Me and my shadow' my @ss...whenever I get caught, that b!tch runs!

   Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(

   thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.

   Since July 2008, three of the four Golden Girls have died. That leaves only one: Betty White -beloved entertainer or calculated killer?

   isn't sure what's worse...the massive amount of oil gushing into the ocean, or the massive amount of BS gushing from BP executives.

   found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.

   hopes Joran van der Sloot gets the electric chair...then he'll be called 'The Frying Dutchman'