@_swagz Funny Status Messages

   I really enjoy that new real-life TV show about the guy who spends his whole day surfing the internet at work while trying to look busy in front of his boss. Oh wait, that's just my average day.

   Smokey the Bear says that "only you can prevent forest fires." Great. My job is hectic enough, and now I have to go around doing the work of lazy firefighters?

   I bet that lactose-intolerant mice get picked on a lot.

   Last week a stranger told me that "the pen is mightier than the sword," so I challenged him to prove it. I cut him up pretty badly, but he was right: that permanent ink is tough to get off.

   I call it "No-Pants Wonderday," but it turns out the police just call it "Thursday." Go figure.

   I'm not a fan of Keebler cookies, or for that matter, anything else made by dirty elves in an unsanitary hollowed-out tree factory

   If I ever go blind, I'm going to set up my entire house with strobe lights. That will really freak out my neighbors.

   Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"