Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   If you can make just ONE person smile, then you're probably a really bad comedian.

   My feelings are hurt that it took you two months to figure out that I blocked you. B!TCH!

   I miss the days when Disney produced cartoons instead of teen sluts.

   Dear Facebook friend, I was so super excited to read your post about you having pork chops for dinner. It was almost as captivating as your story about taking your grandmother to the grocery store. Where do you come up with this stuff???

   I banged my best friends mom, I guess this makes me his best motherf*cking friend!

   Hi. I'm in a staff meeting. There are 62 ceiling tiles in our meeting room, 6 light fixtures with 24 fluorescent bulbs. That is all.

   Ladies, if the story he is telling you is extremely detailed then he is lying.

   I completely admire your talent of sitting on it and talking out of it at the same time...

   So have they made a drink called Tequila Mockingbird yet? What the hell are they waiting for???

   I'm so gangsta that I change the channels holding the remote sideways.

   If you ain't ugly in the morning, then you didn't do it right last night!

   You should always f*ck like all your exes are watching.

   Sorry for your problems and I'll be there to listen to you, because you're a good person and by good person I mean you put out when you're vulnerable.

   Follow your brain. Your heart's a f*cking idiot.

   You;re so annoying you should have a SLAP named after you.

   Why does everybody try to hide from each other in the Dollar Store? I saw your ass over at the bargain bin fool.

   Look dude I have no problem with the tattoo that you have. It's the instant attitude change that came along with it. Trust me you are still a pu$$y. Having a half moon inked into your shoulder did not change that.

   I wonder if Winnie the Poo ever said, Tigger Please!

   It never fails, when a girl steals my Facebook status she gets a ton more "likes" than I did. :(

   If you sleep with someone, then try to sneak out in the morning, you are an ASS! First you have to delete your number from their phone, THEN sneak out. Come on people, use your heads.