StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I'm Homy... I bet 99% of you pervs misread that.

   A prostitute just told me she would do anything for $10... guess who just got their car washed!

   One day when someone rings my doorbell I'm gonna stand by the window with a straight face and just stare at them to see what they would do

   I always thought saying "What crawled up your butt and died" was funny... until the day I met a man with a story about a weasel.

   Sometimes I think I should take the bus instead of drive because there aren't usually 11 hot Mexican chicks in my car... not usually

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means... but think about it.

   The magic of Facebook... you can poke each other all day long... and no one has to lay in the wet spot.

   Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

   The Dentist is the only certified man who can say to a woman: "Lay down... relax... open your mouth... say ahh... and spit."

   You had me at "I bet I can fit that whole thing in my mouth."

   If Obama really wanted to impress me... he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.

   Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger... at least one of them anyway.

   Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.

   Listening intently... Listening intently... Listening intently... "... and then my boyfriend..." Dead to me.

   Fellas, be with a woman who doesn't mind getting her hands and face all messy while eating chicken... trust me on this one

   The difference between "I do" and "Do me" is the happily ever after part.

   I don't want to sound ignorant but if I can't understand something... then it's stupid and I hate it.

   I'm sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because you are an adult with braces.

   Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

   A man's a woman's best friend.He'll never let her down,comfort her after a bad day,inspire her to do what she never thought she could.He'll enable her to express her deepest emotions, & enable her to be confident & sexy. Wait it's wine that does that, n