Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”

   Three Apples changed the world. The first one tempted Eve, the second inspired Newton and the third was offered to the world half eaten by Steve Jobs. RIP

   3 Jobs that changed the world: HAND, BLOW and STEVE!

   A burp is just a fart that took the elevator.

   Please don't take anything I say personal or too seriously. I'm just an idiot with internet access.

   High Heels are a man's invention to make it harder for a woman to run away.

   Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.

   Don't tell me to make myself at home if you don't want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.

   I've been knocking for ten minutes. Don't people answer their bathroom windows anymore?

   Don't take it personal, if they don't know you personally.

   When a woman doesn't cry over you anymore, it means another man is making her smile.

   DAUGHTER : “I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.” DAD: “How is he going to take care of you when he doesn't even have a job?” DAUGHTER: “Dad, I am only reading the letter left by Mom.”

   Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"

   I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space

   That rather uneasy moment when you are walking with your girl and you see a lesbian with a chick hotter than yours.

   My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.

   Money is not a problem. The problem is I don't have Money.

   I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking passion.

   So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?

   Why do men chose to mess with a lot of mediocre women when they can have ONE great one? I guess Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) excite them.