KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages
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A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”
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Three Apples changed the world. The first one tempted Eve, the second inspired Newton and the third was offered to the world half eaten by Steve Jobs. RIP
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3 Jobs that changed the world: HAND, BLOW and STEVE!
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A burp is just a fart that took the elevator.
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Please don't take anything I say personal or too seriously. I'm just an idiot with internet access.
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High Heels are a man's invention to make it harder for a woman to run away.
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Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.
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Don't tell me to make myself at home if you don't want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
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I've been knocking for ten minutes. Don't people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
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Don't take it personal, if they don't know you personally.
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When a woman doesn't cry over you anymore, it means another man is making her smile.
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DAUGHTER : “I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.” DAD: “How is he going to take care of you when he doesn't even have a job?” DAUGHTER: “Dad, I am only reading the letter left by Mom.”
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Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"
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I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space
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That rather uneasy moment when you are walking with your girl and you see a lesbian with a chick hotter than yours.
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My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
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Money is not a problem. The problem is I don't have Money.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking passion.
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So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
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Why do men chose to mess with a lot of mediocre women when they can have ONE great one? I guess Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) excite them.
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