@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark, Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" - Life

   “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…

   Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!

   Has discovered why losing weight when you are older is so difficult. The fat and your body have become such good friends that they don't wan to be separated.

   What I learned from Movies: No matter how fast you run, a psychopath can catch up to you by walking slowly

   An old man said "Erasers r made 4 those who make mistakes." A youth replied "Erasers r made 4 those who r willing 2 correct their mistakes!!" Attitude matters!!

   Three fastest ways of communication: Tele-Phone, Tele-Vision & Tell-a-Woman.

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!!!!

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You that read wrong too. And too that.

   Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it!!

   Not caring about having a great body..caz lets face it food is better !

   Forgot to go too the gym today. That's 3 years in a row

   a good night is when you hug Ur teddy ;a horror night I when the teddy hugs you back

   teacher: are you sleeping in my class? student: no, uh, a bug flew in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate it. :D

   Don't be judgmental. We're all screwed up.

   I don't always eat what is right. Sometimes I eat what is left.

   I am attracted to those which I cannot have, and I am chased by those which I do not want.!

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.!!

   I hate texting people who don't use smileys. I feel like I'm texting an emotionless robot!!!