santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   It’s safe to unplug your Christmas lights until next year.

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just took it.

   Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.

   I’d like to be the first to wish you all a very merry Christmas

   It's finally November! That means it's time I get to start saying the two words everybody wants to hear: Merry Christmas!

   Fair warning: If I see anybody wearing a Santa Claus hat before Thanksgiving I'm going to give them a wedgie, whether I know them or not.

   Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.

   Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.

   Not a lot of great things listed in Craigslist free section today. Unless any of you guys would like a slightly used mattress for Christmas?

   If anyone’s wondering what to get me this year all I want for Christmas is summer.

   How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing it’s on the house!

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.

   It's beginning to look a lot like I'm going to have to go on a diet after Christmas.

   Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.

   Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.

   Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.