mtq Funny Status Messages

   I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?

   The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.

   "That was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy." ~Amy Farrah Fowler

   Did you remember to set your clocks one hour ahead for Daylight Reappropriated Time?

   Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."

   The stores are packed with folks gearing up for their Easter fashion shows, the same way they do for Christmas. The central figure for both these holidays was reduced to wearing a loin cloth for one, and swaddling for the other.

   Gangnam Style: Dancing like an overweight Ch!nk getting b0ned up the a$$ by a sumo wrestler while wearing handcuffs that were put on by a ret@rded cop.

   Umm...you people who live up north whining about the cold weather umm....you umm live up north.

   war machines will cause the destruction of man. Not a comet. I wonder what the next species that inhabits the Earth will discuss while filling their vehicles with the fossil fuels derived from the remains of extinct humans.

   You don't actually pay a h00ker to sleep with you, you pay her to leave.

   I took Nyquil and Dayquil. I forgot how to tell time.

   I have a great name for a dating site which pretty much sums the whole thing up in a nutshell...Desperate Losers.

   I'm sick of all this Wiccan stuff. As far as I'm concerned, they're still food stamps.

   Women are 60% water, 20% makeup, 10% clothing, 8% shoes, and 1% hairspray. That leaves 1%, yet they demand 100% of men's attention.

   I can't get a break. I bought a can of evaporated milk, opened it up...it was full.

   That moment when you're tired and sleepy, and you drag yourself to bed but then your brain says, "Ha ha, just kidding!" I hate that.