doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I like Cee Lo's "Forget You," but it doesn't compare to N.W.A.'s "Forget Tha Police"

   Kansas "Dust in the Wind" came on the air while I was looking for a Frozen Dinner for ONE. God wants me Dead!

   It takes real courage to suck another man's c@ck. And any man who can do it can dern well defend the nation I love.

   what started out as a joke, ended up me sleeping on the stairs for 2 hours.

   Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

   It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.

   At the end of the day, I just want to be loved but at the beginning of the day, gotta get rif of this morning wood.

   The first time sleeping over a girl's place is always awkward 'cause I have to explain who I am, how I got in, & why I'm crying...still single

   The cover of my book will be a sledge hammer about to crush a engagment ring! That, or a close-up of me in a fetal position sucking my thumb.

   I hate it when you finally fall in love & your girlfriend's all "Who are you? Put down my dog. I'm calling the police."

   The inventor of Doritos is dead. Somewhere, the inventor of Bugles is playing "Taps."

   All I pray is that when I die the death certificate does not contain the phrases "straining at stool" or "unusual mummification".

   Trying really hard to have a good day. There is not nearly enough genital touching going on for that to happen though.

   The crap I can say with a perfectly straight face is illegal in 48 states. The other two just haven't met me yet.

   Just discovered there is a level of sadness where happy songs are way more depressing than sad songs.

   Trying really hard to have a good day. There is not nearly enough genital touching going on for that to happen though.

   Nothing like a sentence that goes nowhere.

   When measuring your pen!s, you start from your prostate, right?

   A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Then again, we'd eat less hot dogs if they were called "pig lips & horse nipple tubes".

   It's always five o'clock in my liver