Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Thoughts lead to words... Words lead to actions... Actions build your character... Your character determines your destiny.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

   Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

   I'm thinking of removing all the keys off my friend's keyboard and replacing them in a random order.

   Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, it's fun for the whole neighborhood.

   If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

   I'm beginning to suspect the only reason I'm not hungover is because I'm still drunk.

   Facebook is perfect for me. It's the c0cktail party where you don't have to wait your turn to speak.

   I'm going back to traffic school to get my Masters.

   Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.

   Please don't ever change! I always want to be better than you.

   I'd let you talk more, but you're not as interesting as I am.

   You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies... You may trod me in the very dirt... But still, like the dust, I'll rise!

   I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.

   I've decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   I took your survey, sent you a round, tended your garden, poked you, hugged you, and sent you 10 useless gifts. It's hard being a Facebook friend.

   I read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.

   I know where children get their energy... they drain it from their parents!

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.