K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Wow, I'm so high I can see my house from here.

   Finally, that rare and elusive Monday we like.

   When a Mormon knocks on your door to tell you the "good word" you don't answer....why the hell would you want one to lead your country?

   Got these new jeans made by children in a sweat shop. A friend asked, "Ed Hardys?" "No, Fed Hardlys".

   We're getting so obese, they've added new plus sizes.....Huge....Gigantic and Oh my God, it's coming our way.

   Don't need to worry about zombies here in West Virginia....no brains.

   VelVeeta....the expensive government cheese.

   The experts says "don't stare directly into the sun during the Venus transit". Do we really need to be told that? Also, during the Venus transit, don't forget to breathe.

   Before Facebook and online dating, I seriously don't think I've ever seen a picture of a person in their bathroom.

   The only time I wouldn't mind being buried alive is if were under a pile of money.

   I think before we vote, we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what's REALLY on their minds.

   If we can't get weed legalized, we can just start calling it smokable beer.

   I got caught talking to myself today, so to avoid embarrassment, I pretended to be a tree until they left.

   Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.

   It's Friday, Yay the weekends here...<BLINK> Monday? WTF?

   Duct tape: Turning NO!, NO!, NO! into mmm, mmm, mmm.

   You're laughing because I'm laughing, but I'm laughing because I farted.

   Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting a divorce...Now it's Katies turn to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

   I think we should celebrate Canada Day be giving Bieber back.

   Ever notice that after you and some friends order a pizza the only conversation you have is "where the hell is the pizza?"