DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   Don't be so serious. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me...I'll laugh at you."

   This is one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected.. Happy St. Patty's Day!!"

   This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"'s you up like a "G" :)

   I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water... it's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."

   justin bieber is still alive :(

   if Osama really did believe that he was getting all those virgin's after death,.. umm.. then why the f*ck was he hiding for ten years?"

   Misunderstanding one word can make all the difference - like the time my girlfriend said that she'd like me to splurge on her occasionally."

   Any story you tell about something you did the night before, that starts with the word "Apparently," is probably awesome."

   No, I'm not "done sleeping." In fact, I will never be done sleeping, I'm merely taking a break in order to earn money so that I may keep my bed in its current, climate-controlled location.

   I do not understand how a phone that starts your car can be a selling point. If someone steals your phone, they not only have your car, but more than likely your facebook, which let's face it, is scarier than losing a car.

   Inside me there is a thin, blonde, glamourous woman. But that's just because I lost a bet at a sorority party and had to eat a barbie doll."

   Not that I'm complaining, but I think the sales lady at the furniture store misunderstood when I told her I wanted one nightstand."

   I'm a little tea pot, short and stout... Consequently, my brother the beer keg gets all the chicks."

   Having a wireless mouse makes it way too tempting to throw it across the room when my computer gives me trouble."

   Are you guys really my friends or are you just my facebook friends?"

   Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!"

   ...remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"

   Mess with me, I'll fight back. Mess with my friends, I'll hurt you. Mess with ones I love, and they'll never be able to identify you."

   The next time you're in Walmart, hide in a clothes rack and when someone is looking through the clothes come out and say "WELCOME TO NARNIA" :)

   When you're parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUSE! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!"