@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek... because I just Shatner.

   I know this sounds crazy but I totally see Jesus's face in this painting of Jesus.

   "I'm in!" - Flynn

   Grammatically correct affirmations? Now, that is something about which I am talking.

   I missed my 5 minute window for a Jack Kevorkian joke. Dammit... now they have all been done to death.

   I woke up the other night and my entire body was soaked in urine... I was really pissed.

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   Okay, I'll stop. But shouldn't I listen first, THEN collaborate?

   I put my WELCOME mat on the inside of my house so the world doesn't seem so scary when I leave.

   You can call a girl cute or hot and it's basically the same thing... I have found this rule does not apply to babies.

   I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.

   ... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.

   I bet it takes a female kangaroo forever to find anything in her pouch.

   Best of luck to Ja Rule today as he enters Ja il.

   If you wake up with zits all over your face... you may be suffering from sleep acnea.

   Everyone was so quick to point out the obvious typo in my "Meating in the conference room" email.... until I pelted them with bologna.

   Pulling your phone out in front of your friends has the same effect as yawning.