flinnie Funny Status Messages

   You can't judge a book by its cover. I read that on a book cover. It's like a life lesson if you really think about it.

   They tried to send Amy Winehouse to the coroner but she said no, no, no. Just kidding, she's dead and didn't say anything.

   When you start working on your own manifesto, its time to go talk to the professionals in the mental health industry.

   My Ouija board keeps saying "Boo! LOL J/K!" Stupid teenage ghosts.

   I don't keep up with such things, but is there a male Eastern European porn star named Vlad the Impaler yet?

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"

   To all those that like to take pics in their bathroom mirrors, clean up the bathroom first!

   The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller

   I feel a disturbance in the Force. Something tells me that Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins is about to do something stupid.

   So you say Red Bull just isn't enough kick for you anymore. How about I set you on fire? That will get you up and moving. For a bit anyway.

   So did all those kids that had the skate or die t shirts in the 90s die?

   Children grow up so fast. One day they're taking their 1st steps, the next they're taken away after a judge rules you're a negligent parent.

   My life's motto: "Live every week as if its shark week"

   Today MTV turns 30, and yes I'm old enough to remember when they played music videos

   Why would I trust the Gordon's fisherman? Bad things happen when you "trust" a man in a rain slicker. All he needs is a windowless van

   If drinking destroys your memory…what does drinking do?

   Your body might be trying to tell you something, shut it up with cheese

   I wish running scenarios through my mind burned calories.

   How to Stop Cyber Bullying: 1. Close your laptop 2. You Win!!

   I hate when its dark and my brain is like "Hey you know what we haven't thought of in a while?" Monsters.