eengrms Funny Status Messages

   Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...

   If the Apple/FBI conflict proves anything, it's that the NSA really doesn't have all of your personal information like people claim...

   This just in... Kanye West is still alive. Meanwhile we continue to lose really talented artists...

   The American dream I’m chasing is where the entire pizza is just a spiral of stuffed crust...

   They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's "The bill formerly known as a twenty."

   People setting up GoFundMe's because they can't afford a TV... Don't you know that's what lay-a-way is for?

   I'll probably come off as mean when you first meet me, but after you really get to know me you'll find out that I'm actually meaner...

   This election is just dragging on too long. It's like the world's longest Nicolas Cage movie...

   So does this mean Jay-Z has 100 problems now?

   The stupidest, ugliest Presidential campaign in my entire life: House of Cards meets Sharknado...

   So North Korea only has 28 websites. Well we just have Facebook. Wait you mean there are more?

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?

   I would send thoughts and prayers, but I would rather vote and send better politicians...

   The buttons on my clothes are starting to social distance themselves from each other...

   Going to Wal-Mart will help build up your immune system for just about everything except Covid-19...