doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Rough day. Truck broke down, went to find help, ended up in a human centipede.

   I've learned that fights can always be avoided with a slow kiss of the forehead.

   I bet if you added them up Cher has had more surgeries than Chaz.

   Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed

   My version of the hokey pokey doesn't include a lot of hokey.

   I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.

   Sometimes when an attractive woman starts talking to me I forget how to speak and just start doing lunges.

   Every time I concentrate real hard, it starts to smell like incense.

   I gotta think Peyton Manning's neck injury has something to do with that giant forehead of his.

   hey Ladies...I just noticed that I stick my tongue out in concentration when I wipe my butt. It's pretty adorable... still single

   Sarah Palin said, "Polls are for strippers." Cute. Guess what Grandma? Birth control pills are for teenagers.

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   It's just amazing how much has changed since we got bin Laden.

   I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys in her at the same time?

   I assume "Luftballons" is German for "bottles of beer on the wall"

   You don't HAVE to be in love to have sex, but you do have to quit squirming away,

   Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Thats not very smart, I wouldnt have done that!

   Wendy's idea of a medium could save an African village.

   COUGH! COUGH! Autoerotic asphyxiation is really hard to say five times fast with a belt around your neck.

   I'm pretty awesome at tripping over stuff that isn't even there.