Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   A man buys his wife a car and she says "Can't you get me something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds?" He brought her the bathroom scale.

   I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources.

   MySpace is the VHS of the internet.

   My friend pointed out the other day, that the book/film "New Moon" is bassically just one girls choice between Beastiality, or Necrophilia... hope that gives you ladies out there a little perspective on "romance."

   I choose to be different because being normal is boring.

   Just when the mind found the answers, the heart changed the question...

   I am known for my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around.

   I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! I love doing laundry! Nope, it's just not working...

   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

   I'm the author of my life.Unfortunately I'm writing in pen so I can't erase my mistakes

   A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

   I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.

   Since practice makes perfect, I must thank my parents for not givin' up on the first try. :)

   I'm not feeling myself today... anyone else wanna try?

   Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”

   LOGOUT: The hardest button to click on Facebook.

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   I don't think of Canada as a different country, I think of it more like, America's Hat, because they've always got us covered. Same goes for Mexico, I think of them as Americas Legs, because without them, none of the labor would get done.

   ► Play The Moments ▌▌ Pause The Memories ■ Stop The Pain ◄◄ Rewind The Happiness.

   2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.