Eddy Funny Status Messages

   no more monkeying around for Davy Jones

   today is hump day & leap day...this will be tricky

   just thought of a good prank...if closterphobic friend passes out drunk & about to awaken slip a bag over their head 9with breathing holes) & watch the fun happen when they realize where they are

   dyslexic people are weird. they pray to a dog

   disney has women looking for their handsome prince. dreamworks is more accurate with the ugly ogre

   conficious says it takes many nails to build a crib but only 1 SCREW to fill it

   TGIF....this gas is free (neighbor doesnt use locking gas cap

   if I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was right, I could get it changed into pennies & swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck

   remember people...st patricks day means to wear green clothing....not to drink till you turn green in the face. dont go out drinking too much tonight

   when you go to the doctor & he wants to shake your hand, do you wonder what he did to his last patient with that hand & if he washed it before shaking yours?

   personal security/ bodyguard is just a paid stalker

   if he dont get called "gay" enough (even though I'm sure he isnt) Beiber makes a song & decides to call it "Boyfriend".....way to stop the jokes & rumors

   has anyone seen Steven Tyler lately?...that dude really does look like a lady

   good joke today...single people change ur realtionship status to "in a relation". when friends ask who it is say "april....April Fools"

   went to doctor yesterday. the nurse had to stick me with the needle 5 times...with that much poking was they being a nurse or a facebook friend?

   people say "when pigs fly" but dont police have police helicopters...pigs are already flying

   my mom used to say "i dont want to hear a peep"...i just listened & that candy is very quiet

   noticed something today at a restaurant. the womens restaurant sign is wearing a dress but the handicap sign beside it isnt...is the handicap woman naked?

   everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates

   if a cannibal eats a vegetarian does that count as a full course meal?